I don't know.
I just don't.
20 years old. Junior in college. (I feel like the next part should say "I enjoy long walks on the beach..."). Ask me today what I want to do with my life, and I'll tell you. Ask me tomorrow, and I'll curl up in a ball on the floor and cry. I've been in college for 3 years now. I've had 3 different majors. I've taken classes and read books and talked to advisors and been to seminars. Yet, I still don't know what I want to do.
I'm not okay with this.
I've known for years what I've always wanted to do, but when it comes down to it, and I'm asked that shouldn't-be-hard-but-throws-me-for-a-loop question, most of the time, I don't know what to say. I try to people please when everyone asks me how school is going or what I want to do with my major. I tell them what they want to hear.
School is great.
I want to work with children.
Or I want to be in the FBI.
Honestly, I have no idea. And I'm so scared. I don't want to settle. I'm not okay with living a mediocre life. I want to do something I love and something that makes people happy and something that makes me happy.
Something wonderful.
But right now, I'm lost. I'm confused. I'm terrified. Why can't I just know? Why can't things come easy with no complications and just... be?
I'm praying that God gives me the strength to keep going and figure everything out. Because I can't do it on my own.
I can't.
