I Miss You (Yeah, Who Woulda Thought?)

You know growing up, going to school was this unbearable, yet unavoidable feat that we had to do because, well, we just had to. Elementary school wasn't so bad, though it really should've been, seeing as I attended 5 different schools in those 6 short years. I had friends, but never kept in touch once I moved away. Middle school was probably the worst, being in that awkward-teen-who-am-I stage isn't something I'd wish on anyone, though EVERYONE has to go through that. But in those three years, you really learn a lot about life, about people, about back stabbing, fighting, feelings, relationships, and sure, in high school, all of those things are running even more rampant, but one (usually) learns how to deal with it more, especially in my case. I took on the fuck-the-world-and-everyone-in-it persona, and it worked for me for the most part. I was friends with everyone, I was on the honors track, I didn't care about what people said or did, because I was "tough".

And now that I've strayed entirely too far from the point of this blog... I went to school. But I didn't like it. My junior year I was set on taking a year off from school before going to college, to figure my life out. As we all know that didn't happen. I went to Vol State for two years (a school that I, and people will tell you this, was dead set on NOT attending, because I always felt I was far too good for a community college. Boy, did I get a slap in the face) and then MTSU, which I hated every second of, not to mention all the crazy ass criminals running around campus stabbing, shooting, raping, etc. And then there's the Art Institute, which, as much as I loved the idea of, is proving to be a bigger mistake than it was productive.

Anyway, what it all comes down to is, I miss Vol State. I loved that school. Sure, I know I complained about it at times, but I'm a girl and sometimes, we do that (SHOCKER). The people were always so helpful, the teachers (most of them) were amazing: Shoutout to Dr. P, Top, BoHarold, and Mrs. Bailey! I miss the classes. Oh, how I LOVED my psych classes and the crazy field trips we took, the interesting things we learned, the discussions that sometimes got heated enough to make someone flip their desk because they were SURE they were right on whatever point they were trying to make. I miss the people, the students, the interaction on this intellectual level that I never thought I'd enjoy, and sure as hell didn't think I'd miss when I didn't have it anymore. But most of all, I miss the stability of school. I had a schedule, class from this time to that, this day of the week. I was productive, I felt like a functioning part of society. I had a direction when I was in school, a path that I was following to a life that I wanted. I had a purpose in school, I had a way. I had FUN for God's sake.

And now, I have none of that, and honestly, I feel like my IQ is slowly dropping (ha, kinda like my GPA did!). I really feel like I can't carry on a normal, productive, smart conversation anymore, that my answers to intellectual questions are more "Yeah" and "Sure" and "Hm, I don't know" than an actual answer that means anything... I Google everything, too, because half the time, I have no idea what you're talking about. I might as well start dragging my knuckles on the ground and grunt when I need something.
All I have left now is a degree getting me nowhere and a stack of loans that Lord knows when I'll be able to start paying off, all when I should be a senior in college, making something of myself.
If anyone has a special potion that you drink that makes you wake up and suddenly have all the answers, please, let me have the recipe.

Math, the one thing I DON'T miss about school.