People died today. People die every day. It's sad today and it's sad every day. Illness. Natural disaster. Freak accidents. Homicides. Suicides. Genocides. The list is absolutely endless, and tomorrow something and different will grace the bottom of said list. Death has been weighing on my mind a lot here lately, mainly because of the book I just read ("The Dead Don't Dance", very good, I recommend it). The story revolves around a man and his wife who were expecting a baby boy, but when it came time to deliver, after a problem-free pregnancy, the baby dies just after he is born and the wife hemorrhages and is then in a coma for five months. Yes, this is a fiction story, and yes, I shouldn't have gotten as attached to the characters like I always do-- But, I did and it had me thinking, as most books I read do. Death is sad. It just is. Why? Because of the obvious: it means the end of a life. The end of a person. It means not seeing that person anymore. Not having them around. Not being able to touch them. Hug them. Kiss them. Simply hold them. And that's a sad thought. Just thinking about losing someone I love brings tears to my eyes.
But other than the obvious, why are we so afraid of dying? Something that's inevitable, something that's going to happen to everyone who walks this planet, because let's face it, as much as some of us would like it to be so, we are not immortal vampires, werewolves, or any other storytime creatures. Death is the only completely certain thing in this life. It's the only thing that is 100%, completely and positively going to happen to every single person. Yet, we fight it and hate it and curse it and try our best to avoid it. All of that understandable, because sometimes, death is just not fair. Today, I learned of two women who had CF. One had just gotten married. One was pregnant (and during treatments for the illness, lost her son). But both died (which is where I would like to input fuckYOUcf). Last year a seven year old with CF died. It's unfair. Because these people were just... people. And no, CF isn't the only awful disease, and no, these weren't the only people who have died from it.
But it's UNFAIR. That's the point. We lose people we love, innocent people who don't deserve it, and we're just supposed to accept it? I am lucky enough to have never lost anyone very close to me, but when that does happen, all hell will break loose. Because I can't handle death. It rattles me to my very core. When I hear about someone losing someone, it makes me sad. I feel depressed. Even if I never met the person. Even if it's a celebrity. Death makes me feel completely helpless. And it intrigues me. We fear it so much because it's so unknown. Because in an instant, without any warning, someone can be... just gone. Even with warning, nothing will prepare us for losing someone. Or for the thought of our own death. It's hard to accept the fact that in a split second, our hearts could explode inside our chest, the car we're driving will crash, the plane we're in will plunge into the ocean, the man across the street will pull a gun.
Fact is, death is scary. We're all afraid to die. No shame. I am terrified. But it's gonna happen, no matter how much we run. Nothing will make it easier. Maybe one day when I have both my feet placed steadily on the proverbial faith grounds, I'll have a better understanding and a lesser fear.
Maybe.
"Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time." Susan Cheever
It takes more strength and courage than the bravest warrior to be broken enough to let ourselves fall, free and fast, into the unknown without hesitation of what’s waiting on the other side, trusting that someone will catch us, even if darkness is all we can see <3
No comments:
Post a Comment